Okay so, since I started this apprenticeship about 2 weeks ago up until this afternoon, my feelings towards my life was kinda like,
‘Hey, I’m doing something. No matter how small it is, I’m moving forward.’
But I’m not so sure anymore. A friend who I haven’t spoken to for about a year randomly asked me how I was doing this morning, and I told him I was doing well. It was good to hear that he’s doing well too. I was actually a little bit proud that I’m working now, even if it IS an apprenticeship.
I keep mentioning that it’s an apprenticeship because I don’t really want to be doing it. The pay is less than half of the National Minimum Wage. I’m earning Apprenticeship Wage which is ridiculous since I’m 22 years old, but that’s just how it goes.
I realise it’s stupid for me to complain about this but I just need to get it off my chest and I don’t think that anyone from my workplace will ever find this blog.
So here’s the thing. My dream is to one day become a cameraman. Even more specifically, I want to be a cameraman for travel documentaries. Think shows like Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown or An Idiot Abroad. Combining filming and travelling? My two favourite things to do? It’s easy to see why that’s my dream.
I don’t know how to get there. See, I figured out that that was my dream job a few months ago but things got in the way and I forgot about it, until a colleague of mine started talking to me about jobs and his history and how he’s chasing his dream of animation. That made me think about what mine was and I remembered the travel documentary cameraman dream. Since then, I’ve been having slight panic attacks because I can’t see the road that takes me there. A quarter-life crisis, if you will.
I have to do some research. I think a notepad would help. I really need a notepad so that I can just write down random thoughts and ideas. Okay, time to buy one.
Life is too short, friends. Identify your dream and chase it. For too long I’ve had no goal, and now that I have one, I can make the necessary steps to get there. I’m really not sure if this apprenticeship will do that for me and I’m worried I’m just wasting my time but I’ll figure something out.